Today is my new day seven !
Its eleven o clock in the morning , my husband has left on a two day golf trip and I don’t have to work till Wednesday !!
Crikey ! Danger,Danger,Danger !!!!!! As Steve Irwin , the crocodile hunter used to say .
This could be tricky for me ! I feel too happy , the sun is shining brightly but it’s not humid just a beautiful day !! I’m really mindful of how gorgeous of a day it is ! I’m present in it ! It’s actually blowing my mind .
So this day of possibilities stretches out before me ! I want to clean he whole downstairs of the house , I want to walk the dogs in the park , swim , go grocery shopping ,buy a new rug maybe some new clothes and continue to purge the wardrobes and cleanse our borderline hoarding situation in the basement .
I’ve already had 3.5 cups of coffee and I’m not talking watered down Tim hortons I’m talking hi-test aviation fuel coffee and sugar ! I’m feeling better , my liver stopped hurting , I’m sleeping better ! Everything’s greeeaaaattttt ! Right ???
( shouted )NNNNNNOOOOOO !
these are the kind of days that would get away from me so quickly and would always end in a drunken painful heap !
I can’t just stay in the middle ! I’m bipolar ! I have to spin into orbit ! So I would drink then I would just spin my wheels in some kind of tortured mixed state in the middle ! But that was better than going into a cycle of staying awake for days and spending all kinds of money and doing crazy things .
So I WILL take it slow , take it easy , switch to water , have a loose plan of what I might get done with plenty of room for stillness and reading and meditating ! I will NOT go there ! And when I get started with the therapist I plan to go to ! I will ask her advice .
I don’t think I need meds ,I’ve tried them before and was worse ! ( made me manic ) But I need to be mindful and I need an outlet to express some of these issues !
You might call them feelings , but unfortunately for some of us they are ” States ” .
I’m me , I’m all I’ve got , and I have to live with this ! So I need to quickly find out how to do it without the lead shot in my pockets of alcohol !! Holding me down !
Which always worked well !
But only for the first thirty minutes , you know the rest !